Gabriel's Life Revisited
by BloodyRosalia
Summary: A collection of boring tales of our favorite diagnostician.
1. Master of Lenience

Yay...This is also 'Gabriel Cunningham's' request.

* * *

Dr. Cunningham's Office

"Geez- that guy is a pain..." The 'Master of Deduction' announced aloud to his computer with no mercy for his patient as he entered the room. Thank god he had enough symptoms to finish off the diagnosis- he had no intention whatsoever to question his 'painful' patient again.

"_Dr. Cunningham, the patient has not yet inflicted any physical damage-_"

Aargh- there goes RONI again, mouthing off about every single word he said. "I was referring to mentally, RONI..." Gabriel reached above his desk for his jar of aspirin he desperately depended on daily. He shook the case several times but heard nothing. "Great, I'm out..." He returned to his bothersome computer, "And since you're a robot, you have no say in any sympathy." Not that he wanted any in the first place.

"_Doctor, as a mechanized system, I contain no ability to display any of this 'fellow feeling' humans are capable of._"

The diagnostician groaned. He raised he voice, "You're a computer- of course you can't have any 'fellow feeling' because you aren't a 'fellow' in the first place!" At least, that's what he thought. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and continued complaining, "So you cannot realize how lenient I am being with you...any moment and I can give you a dent..." Any moment of every day, month, and year. Though there was a high chance of him getting repairing bills from Esha before the end of the month, so he should have said 'eventually I will.' "All you always do is nag about some thing I'm well aware of or never knew existed!" RONI used really long acronyms, there was no way he could understand.

"_Doctor, please finish the diagnosis._" The assistant reminded.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Gabriel returned his cigarette to his mouth. "Just shut up and show me the idiot's symptoms and matches..." He remembered how hard the exams were- hopefully RONI was listening.

"_Doctor, I still cannot comprehend on why you continue insisting in calling your patients 'idiots,' especially our current one."_

Dr. Cunningham gave a long sigh and had his hand to his forehead. "What did I say about being quiet...?" He lowered his hand and sternly spoke to his computer. "This is the fourth time I had to explain it to you... there are five types of patients in the hospital. Immature kids, old dimwits, rush-hour businessmen, idiotic geeks, and a few but highly appreciated normal, sane people. Are you writing this down?"

"_I am actually using the voice recorder. I will then store this information into my data after analysis._"

"Good-" Whatever how RONI wanted to do it. "Now, RONI, I just happened to be assigned four of those five kinds of patients lately." And he was very grateful to Esha about that. "Go ahead and name some people." There was no flaw to his brilliant categorizing.

"_Why not Assistant Secretary Jacob Tillman, Joshua Cunningham, Dr. Maria Torres, and Chief Esha Patel..?_"

"Joshua's an immature kid..." Gabriel paused. "Wait." What was RONI trying to pull? "Why would I want to diagnose Esha- or any of these guys? RONI!" Tillman was a serious pain to work with, Joshua's exam was...complicated, and there was no possible way he would even accept those spiteful women as his patients- they wouldn't want him to be their doctor in the first place.

"_I was ordered to list random names. And Dr. Cunningham, you did have Assistant Secretary Jacob Tillman and Joshua Cunningham as you patients before._"

"Whatever- back to the diagnosis..." The diagnostician moaned as he leaned back on his chair.

"_You have yet to classify Dr. Torres and Assistant Secretary Tillman._"

"I can't classify Maria because I'm never gonna diagnose her! And Tillman's just some American-loving moron!" Gabriel went up to the computer's speakers to yell aloud.

"_You have never mentioned the category of 'American-loving moron.'_"

The diagnostician let out a long groan and shouted back, "He's an old buffoon with a large mouth! An annoying stubborn hag! A sob!" 'A disgrace to all mankind' was what Gabriel was about to say next, but he thought this was enough to shut up his computer.

Rapid Organization Networked Intelligence had nothing to say.

"What more do you want to hear?" Gabriel scoffed at the machine.

"_Before the recording is turned off- would you like me to add 'American-loving moron/old buffoon with a large mouth/annoying stubborn hag/sob' to your list of categories?"_

Gabriel's mouth dropped- causing his cigarette to fall out. He completely spaced out at hearing RONI saying those words. Sure he heard her say the famous algorithm many times before, but the new insults coming out of her speakers was just... extremely awkward. "Fine! Do what you want! Just show me the stuff already so I can finish this!" He picked up the cigarette and pointed it at the screen that still had the blue wallpaper.

"_Dr. Cunningham, you now have six categories on types of patients, is this correct?_"

"Should I add 'annoying computer' to the list?" Gabriel muttered to his talkative encyclopedia.

"_Doctor, I have a self-diagnosis application; if there was ever a malfunction, it would automatically activate. There is no need-_"

"You know, RONI-" Gabriel tossed his bent cigarette onto the low desk that was growing a pile of them. "I think you fit perfectly fine in that new category of 'loudmouth.'"

"_Dr. Cunningham, that category was named 'American-loving moron/old buffoon with a large mouth/annoying stubborn hag/sob.'" _The diagnostician went back on his office chair before RONI repeated the name. "_I can assure you that I am a computer and cannot show emotions for a country and I am fully equipped with all the databases available- there is little possibility that I can be considered an 'idiot.' Since I am not human, I cannot have 'stubborn' nor 'annoying' traits- the words 'moron,' 'buffoon,' 'hag,' and 'sob' are based on human opinion. Also I must inform you that I do not have a human mouth, but speakers to communicate- and the current volume is at 5, the number of decibels are considered to the average human to be 'quiet.' So therefore-"_

"Aargh-!" Gabriel got up and threw the computer to its side and wondered why did he hesitate earlier. He had enough of RONI's reasoning.

The computerized assistant's audio cord was taken off, so it could not vocalize any words.

The diagnostician opened his office door after getting a new cigarette. "I think I'm gonna do the paperwork manually." He's gonna tell the Chief of his idea to remove the computer as he did so- and maybe grab some aspirin on the way. When he stepped out into the hall, a familiar voice spoke.

"_Dr. Cunningham, I am unable to fit in your category of-"_

"What the-?" Gabriel jumped and yelled 'shut up' once more- he then added 'earplugs' to his shopping list.

"_You have yet to finish-_"

"JUST SHUT UP!" He stormed down the hall as fast as he could.

* * *

I'm gonna be completely random with the order of chapters...


	2. Internet Matters

Conference Room

"So- the reason of this meeting today..." Esha was taking in deep breaths- biting her lip and gulping, she couldn't get her words out. "There's a problem...uh..."

The other simply stared in confusion. The prisoner was hoping his third time at Resurgam wasn't causing the Chief concern.

"Come on already; we don't have all day...!" Gabriel and Maria both said at the same time, both very annoyed. One in a foul mood from running all the way here, the other grumpy from the frozen weather which enabled him to visiting the rooftop.

"Th-the..." Esha stuttered her way with the first word- signaling to the others that they should panic.

Dr. Tachibana and Dr. Freebird both tried to calm their Chief down. "Chief Patel, please, you may speak your mind..." "Is there a problem, Chief?"

"What, you're laying us off? Tell me first." Dr. Cunningham eagerly waited for Esha to spill the plain truth that he is given his retirement. Everyone knows he wanted one. "Stop acting all terrified, none of us are gonna bite...well, maybe one of us."

"Shut up." The paramedic delivered an unseen back-blow to the diagnostician. "You're not firing us, right?"

"N-no... not that." Esha shook her head strongly. "It's..."

"Cat or something died?" Gabriel's word made the Chief glare at him. "What? You sure are acting like it." He got elbowed by the paramedic. "Ow."

Dr. Tachibana disregarded her fellow doctor's remark. "If it is personal, you should be discussing this with closer individual..." She then continued, "There is a reason you have called for this gathering, correct?"

"It's...The..." Esha was seriously starting to cause concern- never before has the Chief shown distress and completely lost her composure.

CR-SO1 murmured, "If this is about me.. then I understand..." He prepared to hear words such as 'his last time here.'

Esha repeated the process of shaking her head and saying 'no.' The kid wasn't gonna get thrown away- he's the best they ever had.

"Ugh, tell us already!" Maria was growing impatient- Hank was nearby making sure she doesn't do anything else rash.

"RONI, do the talking for Esha. I'm tired of this staring contest." The room turned dark after Gabriel's words.

"_Doctors, I believe Chief Patel is referring to the temporary absence of the hospital's internet access._" The computer spoke as it showed a picture of a page with the 'page is unavailable' words in the center with 'please check your internet connection' right under.

"The internet is down-!" Esha's lost expression suddenly changed into frustration as she rephrased what the computer said.

"You aren't serious-?" Gabriel wasn't making fun of Esha- he, too, was freaking out. He can't entertain himself in the office without the internet- and he can't go to the rooftop to escape RONI.

Tomoe and CR-SO1 looked somewhat bewildered- one had no clue what the subject was and the other vaguely understands the situation. Hank seemed to not mind at all.

"What? That's all there was?" Maria was furious with her wasted time. "Why would I care?" She saw the Chief turn away angrily. "Stop wasting my time-!" The paramedic stomped out of the room, exasperated that she spent a whole five minutes for useless news.

Esha humphed at the leaving paramedic and looked at the other doctors. "We still have contact and stuff with the main computer here, but how am I supposed to do anything without the internet?"

Tomoe blinked several times. "This... is unfortunate... is there a way to... fix this problem?" She had no idea what she was talking about, so she hoped 'fix' was the right word.

"You can't fix the internet- you fix the connection, and those idiots say it'll take the whole day to repair the link!" Esha grumbled, knowing this doctor was foreign, she had to hold back the yelling.

"One day is better than nothing..." Hank slowly went around the Chief and out the door with Tomoe. "Thank you... for informing us..."

"Do they not realize how terrible this is? How am I supposed to work..?" Esha growled. "Anyway, lights." The room turned bright again with her command. "And why are you here?" She stared at the diagnostician. "Today, your first patient doesn't come until... after two."

"Uh..." Gabriel tilted his cigarette as he went towards the exit. "I... forgot. Later." He slipped outside and sped to his office.

"Really." Esha rolled her eyes. "Who cares." She turned to the surgeon in the corner. "So, kid... about your next operation..."

Dr. Cunningham's Office

He didn't forget anything.

He was supposed to spend his hours or so surfing the net, maybe call Derek or Naomi, too.

The one thing he did forget: Joshua.

"Great, RONI- do you have anything to entertain the kid with?" Gabriel relied on his assistant for most of his 'babysiting.' Because of Lisa's monetary issues, he has to deal with the kid- pretty much the opposite of what the divorce planned for. "Any games or something?"

"_Doctor, the only game available offline is chess._"

"Geez, I forgot." Gabriel leaned back on his chair and moaned, "Joy."

"Why do you always use the computer? Don't you have any friends to play with?" Joshua then began muddling to himself. "Well, maybe not play, but talk to?" The boy's amber eyes looked to the closed ones of the tired diagnostician.

"This is at the job kid, people are busy here." Dr. Cunningham groaned as his answer. "And I've got important stuff to do on the computer, if you have to know."

Joshua sat on the couch with a frown. "What's so important..?"

"Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, FanFiction- don't forget endless supply of games and movies and e-mail." Gabriel listed off nonchalantly. "But knowing a kid like you, you wouldn't know any of that."  
"Um- I know! Is Facebook a book about a face on the computer..?"

Gabriel hid his smile and asked, "How about the others?" Let's see what the kid of the 'Master of Deduction' and figure out.

"Okay... I think you said something about a tube shaped like a 'u?'" Joshua had a finger to his chin in confusion. "And...a Twitter...I dunno, something to do... what does 'twit' mean?"

"_The word 'twit' originates from-_"

"Zip it, RONI. The boy only asked for the definition." Gabriel really wasn't in the mood for a dictionary entry from his mechanical assistant.

"_The definition can be either a noun or verb; the noun form is a synonym of the word 'twerp' and the verb form is similar to the meaning of the word 'tease.'_"

Joshua's eyes widened. "So... does 'Twitter' mean a person that teases? Doc, are you being mean to people..?"

"Yes, I spend my day making fun of people on the computer..." He saw the look of despair on Joshua and answered, "No, I don't. Your translation was wrong."

"Oh." The boy lowered his eyes. "So... what is it?"

Gabriel sighed. "I'm too tired explain, wait til you grow up." And Lisa would kill him if he told the kid about blogs and things like that- child safety on the internet.

"Aw..." Joshua looked to the computer next to the diagnostician's desk. "If you're too tired, then can that robot tell me?"

"It's-"

"_In actuality, I am not a mobile cyborg as a casual toy one could find in modern stores. I am a computerized device specifically made to assist doctors such as Dr. Cunningham. And yes, I am able to explain matters such as this._" RONI interrupted with her long boring explaination- though Gabriel has heard it every week of his life, Joshua was excited to hear the computer talk.

"RONI, I told you not to-"

"Ooh- then tell me what's 'Twitter!'" Joshua spoke excitedly. "And everything else the doc said!" The boy was starting to rock back and forth in the chair in excitement.

"_The word 'twitter' can be either a noun or verb. The verb is intransitive and means to sing, chatter or giggle, it may also mean a high-pitched singing or to quiver._ _The noun form means a high-pitched song or chatter, it may also mean excitement._"

Dr. Cunningham had a blank face.

"So, doc- you can sing in a really high voice? Wow..." Joshua then continued, ignoring Gabriel's weak objections. "So 'Twitter' is where you get to sing on the computer..?"

"No-! RONI, I thought the internet was down, how did you come up with this?" The diagnostician was close to a face-plam at his embarrassment.

"_Doctor, the internet connect has not yet been made. I have already attempted 107 connections the past hour. The definition of the word 'twitter' was from the archive of dictionaries and thesauruses already installed in the database which I receive information from. The connection there is still functional._"

Face-palm. "Ugh. No more speeches longer than a sentence, RONI."

"_Dr. Cunningham, you may not know this, but it is highly crucial that you allow me to speak more than a mere sentence since this option may limit the amount of information you will receive at one time which would greatly affect your ability to perform in the diagnosis considering the percentage of times you refuse to listen and cooperate with my essential help."_

"That's a really long sentence...!" Joshua clapped and jeered, "Doc, you have a really cool computer." He watched Gabriel stand up. "Huh? What's wrong, doc?"

The diagnostician tossed away his cigarette and opened the door to the hallway. He grabbed his jacket and car keys as he said to Joshua, "Get your stuff, kiddo. I'm taking you outside." He had enough talk with his computer.

"Really? Are we going to play in the snow or something..?"

"If we do- bring some for RONI to enjoy." Gabriel smirked at his computer. "RONI loves water."

"_Dr. Cunningham-"_

Joshua quickly found his jacket and slipped it on. "Okay, let's go then-!" He entered the hall and waved back at the computer. "Um... so...doc?"

"Huh? What?" Gabriel kept talking to try not to activate RONI's in-the-hall mechanism. "I was kidding back there. Esha doesn't want us bring snow inside."

"Oh, that's okay...but I still don't know- what is 'Twitter?' If I was wrong, then... what is it?"

Gabriel clenched his teeth. "Uh..." Back to where he started. "It's..."

"_A chat-based website that-"_

"I told you- no talking in the hall!" The diagnostician shouted up to the empty ceiling. "(Great job, Joshua.)"

"_There is something else I wish to inform you-"_

"Do it later! Don't you see we're busy here?" He picked up the pace with Joshua following, who was exclaiming 'cool its in the hall too.'

"_It is of great importance."_

Dr. Cunningham slowed down, realizing he still had long to go and his energy wasn't enough to make a full dash to the garage. "Ugh- fine, but only that...!"

"_The internet connection has been reestablished."_

"Now you tell me-!" The keys in Gabriel's hand dangled as he raised and lowered his arm in annoyance. "You always have such terrible timing, RONI."

Joshua looked up to the doctor. "What do we do now?"

This decision didn't take long at all. "...Forget it. I rather go use the terminals at the library."

"The library?" Joshua thought a little bit. He couldn't do anything in the hospital, so why not? "Okay, let's go."

"Sorry, RONI. The kid accepts- you've been rejected." With that said, Gabriel walked down the corridor with Joshua following behind steadily.

* * *

Geez, I'm running low on ideas...


	3. Whatever You Do, Don't

**Call me 'Gabe!'**

* * *

"Hey, I got some new patients for you..." Chief Esha Patel declared as she slammed a crate of files on the carpet floor of Dr. Cunningham's office. The green-haired man held up a coffee mug and a groaned. "Don't give me that, Gabe. It's not that I enjoy making your job harder." She was met with a long glare. "Please, if I wanted to make you miserable, I would have put you on the first response team."

* * *

"Stop being such a jerk, Gabe! You could at least give a lady a decent compliment here and then!" Dr. Maria Torres jostled the man before he planned his escape. "You owe me and Tomoe a lunch! And it better not be one of those crappy meals from the cafeteria, you hear me?" His footsteps were never this fast as the voice blared, "And I mean _tomorrow_, moron!"

* * *

"I have been told that I have been using too many proper titles when I speak..." Dr. Tachibana lowered her purple eyes in embarrassment, but raised her head to mention, "I was advised to use first names to refer to others. Do you mind if I use 'Gabe' to speak to you from now on? I believe that name is quite popular amongst the your peers in the staff..." Her eyes widened when the diagnostician broke into a choking laugh. "Is something the matter, Gabe? Are you feeling ill?" The woman looked around for more staff members. "Excuse me? I need someone to take Gabe to..." A loud 'thump' sound was heard from behind her. "Oh dear..."

* * *

"_Gabe, since when do you begin complaining to me on the phone_?" Dr. Naomi Kimishima sighed as the doctor at his desk slumped back. "_Should I share my life's troubles as well? It all begins with receiving a corpse upon your arrival to work. Every. Single. Day. Maybe if you're lucky, which I'm sure you are, you may get double the hospitality._" Gabriel lowered the cellphone as the woman continued, "_I'm not even at the best part. Sometimes the bodies come in pieces...blood and guts. The things that would make the average man react in a revolting way. Gabe, are you even listening?_"

* * *

"Dr. Cunningham? Why are you here...you're not operating today, right?" The man answered sarcastically to the question upon his entrance to the OR. Nurse Emma Wilson then stammered out, "Um...Doctor, there's a rumor going around that...uh...long names make it harder to communicate during a procedure. So... instead of five syllables, I figured out a way to shorten down your name. Does 'Gabe' sound fine with you?" The diagnostician turned around with a hand over his mouth. "What's wrong? If you don't like the name...I could call you...um...how about 'G' or I could extend it to two syllables. 'Gabe-y?'"

* * *

"You are the diagnostician, right? Someone told me you're going to escort me back." CR-SO1 said in a frozen gaze as he rolled down his sleeves. "She said your name was...Gabe Cunningham?" The man had a smirk on his face and the surgeon asked, "That is your name, right? Did I pronounce it wrong or something?"

* * *

"I'm sorry that Claire had you carry some of her bags today..." Dr. Hank Freebird spoke with an apologetic tone before switching the subject, "We have been friends for a long time, but can I ask why only women call you...'Gabe?'" The other man let out a breath and gave up on finding a response. The orthopedic surgeon went on, "Do you mind if I call you by that? I just thought it would...make things more convenient. Especially since Claire has been bothering me about using long names..."

* * *

"_Dr. Cunningham, I have been recording many conversations throughout the hospital in the past month due to Resugam's protocols and after an analysis, I have discovered that 80% of all female faculty and 10% of all male faculty have referred to you as 'Gabe.'" _The diagnostician moaned as he faceplamed, mumbling about what was RONI's true objective was. "_There has been an installment in my database that allows doctor to personalize the language format terminals such as myself can use. If you prefer, I am able to converse with you using this name instead of 'Doctor.'" _The diagnostician bluntly replied with 'what do you think.' "_I will assume this vague statement means 'yes.' Good afternoon, Gabe."_

* * *

"Oh, doc! It's nice to see you again." Joshua Cunningham greeted as the man reentered the exam room after visiting the image analysis lab. "Hey, someone tole me your name is...uh...Gabe-bry...el? Um...can I call you Gabe instead? It's a really cool name- you can call me Josh instead of Joshua, how's that?" He smiled and cheered, "Well, I'm counting on you, Gabe! Hurry and find something to make me feel better fast!"

* * *

"Now listen, son!" Assistant Secretary of the HHS, Jacob Tillman, boomed as the doctor looked away. "What was your name... Oh- Gabriel Cunningham, was it?" The politician grumbled under his angry mood, "That's kind of a mouthful..." He cleared his throat and continued, "Well Gabe, you should know the country's in a tight spot right now, and I ain't gonna..." Gabriel cracked up, only because _the ladies_ would call him by the nickname; the old fart was new. "Hey, this ain't something to laugh at...Quit giggling like a girl, you son of a-"

* * *

"Ah, good morning, Dr. Cunningham." Kanadamaru Hanzou bowed at the green-haired doctor entering the courtyard through the shrubbery. "Lady Tomoe shall be coming out in a moment for her training, so please be patient." The butler then had a hand on his chin and noted, "There's something that reminds me- I was instructed to use informal names upon greeting others. I believe Maria said your first name was 'Gabe,' correct? I'll be sure to use that name from now on, Gabe."

* * *

"You better not pull off another stunt like that again. I guarantee you the next time you'll be behind bars, doctor." Detective Ian Holden stated while adjusting his shades and turning to the exit on the rooftop. "Hopefully you'll listen to the advice. Goodbye then." But before departing, he added, "I'll make sure to remember your name. It was...Gabe...Cunningham?" For some reason, the surname was easier to recall than the first. "I'll...keep track of the last name then."

* * *

A/N: It's been a long time, Gabe. How have you been?

Just kidding.

This was a short freebie that I crammed in a few minutes of spare time. Some of these were funny, while some just make wanna pity the guy. I wanna hear what you think! Oh...and was I missing anyone important?

Anyways, if I have time, I'll continue this 'Whatever you do, don't-' series. Any ideas?


End file.
